After An Abusive Relationship She Didn’t Lose Hope.
I nearly died and went to the emergency room. I was lost and broken. I had no idea how I had gotten to this point. Trigger warning for physical abuse, skip down to the Success if you’d rather.
My old love story is a long one but I won’t get into that. I fell in love with a man who I thought the world of. I knew him for a couple years but only dated for a few months before moving in together. He was hilarious and playful and that’s exactly how the abuse started.
One day I was lounging on the sofa and he walked up to me and slapped me in the face. I jolted up and saw red. I was like WTF do you think you’re doing, are you crazy??? He swore it was just a “joke”. I told him to give me some space and leave me alone in the bedroom so I could calm down. He persisted and said “it was just a joke omg!” I replied “if you don’t get away from me, I will slap your face to see how much of a joke it is!” He left me alone.
Two weeks later, we were drinking whiskey and we got into some sort of argument. He was extremely insecure and was steadily becoming suspicious of me that I must be cheating, so he grabbed me by the arms and was pushing me around the house. I was upset and crying.
He would apologize and be super sweet for awhile. But the next time I could tell he was getting mad/upset I felt this wave of dread ripple through me; how mad was he going to be??
Eventually he would get so mad, he called it passionate, that he would grab me by the hair and slam my head against the ground repeatedly until I lost consciousness. Just another “drunken” incident according to him; he was upset and thought I was cheating so how was he to blame? I said i was leaving. He said I couldn’t since it was the day before Thanksgiving. He cried and begged me to stay and do family events like everything was okay.
I stayed. I should not have.
We had another fight except this time I fought back and it wasn’t pretty. We both had bruises all over us. I felt like trash. I hated who I was becoming. I hated him. But I still loved him and hated myself more for it.
Flash forward to February 2018. We go out and have some drinks. I can tell his mood is shifting and I can sense darkness- that sense of dread. You know when you dread a fight? You can already hear the words / insults coming, right? Well not only that but I could sense that he was going to really really hurt me. I could not have imagined how far he would try to hurt me that night.
TW: do not read further bc I will be describing seriously cruel abuse.
He was out of his mind. He dragged me by my hair out of bed into the hallway. He punched me and slammed my head on the ground. He choked me and kept my head turned at a strong angle to the right; he was trying to break my neck. I screamed “you are going to kill me! I’m not kidding you are really going to kill me! STOP!” But he didn’t. He kept slamming my head on the ground and he spit on me calling me names like “b*tch” “cheating wh**e”.
I lie on the ground crying. He fell asleep drunkenly. I crawled back into bed a bloody crying mess. At 5am he came to the bedroom and tried to climb into bed. I woke up and said “please don’t. I just can’t” he was still drunk and started name calling me. I kicked at him and he started scratching and punching my legs. I kicked him across the room from me and I ran into the closet. (He had taken and thrown my phone during the evening and I couldn’t find it until now). I found my phone in the closet and called 911. He was arrested. I moved out and on.
I met my now fiancé several years ago. We’ve had ups and downs like anyone does. We’ve been together a year (we were together previously for 2 years if that matters before the abusive ex) and today we had a nasty argument. He accidentally knocked a lamp and a soda onto my laptop. I asked if the lamp was broken, he said no. I asked if the soda got onto it, again he said no. But I go to check and clearly soda had gotten onto it and I’m wiping it off. I ask why say such a small lie? It’s fine. He gets mad and says how he’s tired of me calling him a liar. We had a realtor appointment together in 30 mins but he told me to stay behind.
So I did. I was upset and just cried. I felt that familiar sense of dread creeping- how mad would he be? He would never hurt me like my ex but my heart was in my throat. Not the fear of my now fiancé, just that sad familiarity of dread once again.
As soon as my fiancé came home he wanted to talk. I began crying. He reached out but I didn’t come to him. He asked if he could hold me. He didn’t want me to cry and he couldn’t understand why I just kept crying. I realized he and my ex are night and day.
He just wanted to hug me. And I feel incredibly lucky. I’m not saying he or we are perfect but I have hope and faith that things are on the up and up.
It does get better. Believe me. People who love you won’t hit you; they will want to show you real love.