“Am I A Jerk For Being Upset That My Ex-Husband Fed Our Vegan Daughter Chicken McNuggets”
It is difficult to end a marriage, especially when children are involved. Children endure the weight of divorce, and raising them in a calm and harmonious atmosphere is critical for their future. CO-PARENTING with an ex may be difficult even under the best of circumstances. Read this story and let us know how you would tackle the situation.
My ex and I were vegan. I became vegan when we moved in together because he was vegan and he didn’t like there being animal products in the house. I learned more about the way food was made and I agreed. I was vegan while I was pregnant and we’ve raised our daughter vegan for the past eight-ish years.
We divorced 15 months ago. He was not faithful but while he was a terrible partner to me, he loves his daughter and during this time I’ve tried to be a good coparent.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter from her dad’s house – he wanted to keep her late because he and his partner were going to take the kids (she has 3) to a matinee of Frozen. So it’s dinner time when I’m getting her.
As we’re driving home she says she’s hungry. I offered her my purse apple (I should have packed better car snacks for the ride) but she spied the golden arches out the window. She is full. blown. meltdown demanding chicken nuggets.
We get home and she’s, like, blowing snot bubbles she’s so enraged. She howls her way through a bowl of leftover soup (honestly, I think I was just being a Jerk at this point because we have chick’n nuggets in the freezer I could have made but rewarding that kind of tantrum seemed like bad parenting). She hates me, I’m a terrible mom, Dad would have let her eat chicken nuggets. She wore herself out crying.
She was upset when she woke up this morning asking if I ‘hated’ her because she ate meat (OBVIOUSLY, obviously, obviously not). I spent the entire drive to school reassuring her that I’m not angry with her but that I was surprised that she wanted them. I also reiterated I wasn’t happy with her behaviour of screaming and hollering when she didn’t get what she wanted. I understand that sometimes our emotions feel big but we have to try and be in control of them and not the other way around.
But I AM damn pissed because I wasn’t aware our hitherto vegan daughter was now eating meat and I feel like that’s a decision that I should have been informed about. I called him after she went to bed and he told me I was being uptight and he didn’t tell me because he knew I’d overreact. I’m controlling and I don’t need to be privy to every single thing he does when our daughter is with him.
I’m MAD. There are vegan options at McDonalds – he didn’t have to feed her chicken but since he did, I would have appreciated a heads-up. Also, for a dude who gave me a hard time for craving oreos (which are #$%king vegan) while pregnant with her, kinda annoyed that he’s shovelling crap in her mouth hand over fist taking her to McDonalds every week.
I’d always felt like when she became old enough to choose her diet, I’d let her make her own decisions. If she wants to eat chicken nuggets, give her. But, like, I feel wildly, wildly frustrated that he unilaterally made this choice. I feel like I should have been made aware. I try to keep him updated on her stuff when she’s with me. Am I a Jerk? What are your opinions? Did I over react?