“Am I A Jerk For ‘Belittling’ My Friend’s Grief After She Named Her Daughter After My Deceased One And Refusing To Be Her Daughter’s Godmother?”

Losing a loved one, particularly a kid, is a devastating event. The agony is excruciating. The world appears to be a harsh and terrible place. Though life goes on, even the tiniest things can bring back memories of the person you lost. And it might be tough not to crumble. Read the story and let us know what the mom should do.

Source: Reddit

I have 4 children, with my youngest Luli having passed away 3 years ago at 2 years old. One of my close friends since high school ‘Jane’ was Lulis’ godmother, although she wasn’t heavily involved in our lives as she was a chronic traveller.

Last month, Jane had her first child. They kept the gender a secret but Jane and I talked about babies together as I’m her closest friend who has children, including names. When we talked about baby names, Jane said she wasn’t going to do middle names for her kids as she found them pretentious. During this time, Jane asked if I would be her kids godmother, and I said yes. When her baby was born, her partner sent me a text letting me know they were both healthy and the baby was a girl.

The next day, Jane posted a ‘baby reveal’ on facebook and revealed the name of her baby, whose middle name was Luli. I was obviously in shock as Jane had never mentioned giving her daughter a middle name, let along the same name as my kid. Then on instagram, she posted the typical baby reveal photo holding her baby’s hand with the caption ‘Luli’ with a white heart.

This was honestly too much for me so I turned off my phone. Nearly two weeks later, Jane reached out to my husband and asked if I was alright as she wasn’t able to get in touch with me and asked me to come by and meet her daughter. I almost didn’t but decided that maybe there was some explanation and agreed to come over. When Jane asked if I wanted to come over, she asked if I wanted to come over ‘to meet Luli’.

We made small talk and when she put down her daughter for a nap, I brought it up and asked why her daughter’s middle name is Luli. Jane told me she loved the name Luli since I’d used it, and since she was Luli’s godmother, she used it as her daughters middle name to honor my daughter. I asked why she didn’t tell me she was planning on honoring my daughter, and that I was blindsided finding out via social media. She told me she had just given birth and was recovering from the experience (which I 100% understand), but when I asked if she had decided to honor my daughter before or after she’d given birth, she asked me to leave.

A few days later she called and talked to me about her daughter’s upcoming christening and our role as godparents. I cut her off and told her that I was sorry but I wasn’t able to be her kids godmother. She didn’t take this well and claimed that she was allowed to honor my daughter as she was her godmother, I can’t ‘hog her grief’, and that I can’t prevent everyone from using the name Luli just because my dead daughter had the same name.

So I’m here for an outsider point of view. I obviously can’t claim the name Luli nor do I want to micromanage how someone else grieves. I’m definitely not looking at this from an unbiased perspective and if I’m overreacting or being irrational overing this, I want to change that. So, I’m in the middle of a shitstorm and need some advice on if I’m wrong.  Also before it gets mentioned, I’ve been in therapy since Luli was sick so I don’t need that recommendation – I’m already on it. What are your opinions? Did I over react?

Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:


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