Am I Jerk For Not Thanking My Husband Every Time He’s With Our Two Children By Himself.

Mariage is one of life’s most lovely stages. It’s nice when kids join in, but it’s also tough. To have a pleasant family life, the husband and wife must work together on daily chores. Read on to find out what happened between this couple with two kids and what you believe they should do.

Source: Reddit

My husband and I have two kids (2 and 4). He works full time (remote) and spends nearly 100% of his workweek at home. I’m a full time student and very rarely at home during the day. Both kids are in child care centers/preschool.

I’m currently on the third day of a 10 day “hackathon”/product sprint that’s cognitively and creatively intense. It’s all day (10 am to 7 or 8 pm) with almost no breaks in between design sessions or client meetings. I’ve tried to help with child care as much as I can (e.g., dropping the kids off, helping to get them ready for the next day), but it’s been challenging to be an equal co-parent. While I wasn’t prepared for how late I’d be getting home, we knew things would be lopsided for a minute.

Last night wrapped up at 8:30 pm. I was exhausted. My team had basically spent the latter five hours of the day debating and deliberating with our client. All I wanted to do was see my husband and relax.

When I came home, the apartment looked like a bomb had gone off. Clothes and toys everywhere, dishes from breakfast (and now dinner) piled in the sink, trash can overflowing, etc.

I learned that the expectation was that I should clean up the apartment since he had been with the kids for the past three hours. I told him it felt unfair for that responsibility to fall solely on me, especially since he was home all day. Yes, he was working, but he could take time to wash the dishes.

Frustrated, he asked why I hadn’t even thanked him for taking the kids, especially since he didn’t know when I would be home. I told him (in an admittedly snarky way) that I shouldn’t have to thank him for parenting his own children. He took offense to this and accused me of being stuck in my own world. Pissed, I said that I didn’t understand why I’m supposed to express my gratitude every single time he does what he’s supposed to do. And we went on and on.

I get why it’s important to thank him for pivoting on a dime and being flexible with my wonky schedule, but am I the a**hole for not always expressing my appreciation for him being with the children we made together?

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