This has been an ongoing argument between my wife and I, but it resulted in a huge argument today and I’m starting to wonder if I’m in the wrong. I think it’s impossible for someone in my position to see my wife’s point of view fairly so tell me who’s the a**ho*e here. I’m also not interested in any relationship advice, our marriage is fine, it’s solely this topic/argument that I’m interested in hearing your judgement on.
So my wife and I have two kids together. But before I met my wife I had a daughter with my now ex-wife. My daughter passed away when she was 7, and the emotional toll of this destroyed my marriage with my ex-wife. We haven’t said a word to each other in almost a decade and I have no desire to speak with her anyway.
I still own the same house as then and I’ve pretty much left my daughter’s room as it was. At first it was just because there was no reason to, but now it’s kind of like a memorial in some weird sense? I can’t really explain the logic behind it because I don’t think there is any. It just doesn’t feel right to change her room.
This has been the cause of the only arguments my wife and I have really had. The house has four bedrooms, so each of our kids have a room, we have a shared room, and then there’s my daughters old room. My kids know not to go in there and it’s just left there. Occasionally I will go in there and read a book, or just lie down on her bed. It’s therapeutic in some weird way.
My wife has always wanted to change the room. At first it was because she wanted a study, but I refused and eventually she gave up.
We’re now talking about having a third child and naturally she wants our new kid to have my daughter’s old room. Again I put my foot down and said that wasn’t an option, and that our two older kids can share a room instead.
She really blew up at me and told me she was sick of me holding on to the past. She was sick of me being unable to compromise on this. She was sick of feeling like my deceased daughter came first. She said a lot of things but I think that basically sums it up.
When she said these things I was really hurt. But I’ve had a few hours to think it over, and I think I might be an unreasonable Jerk here. It’s not fair to make my kids share a room because I won’t let go of the past. It’s not fair to have a memorial that reminds my wife that she wasn’t my first love. So Am I wrong ?
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