When I (27M) was 6 I lost my mom. She died giving birth to my siblings (21F,21M).
When I was 9, my dad met my stepmother. Although I always loved my stepmom, I never called her mom, the maximum I would do is refer to her and my dad as my parents.
When I was 18, my stepmom asked me and my siblings if she could adopt us. My siblings said yes but I refused, i explained that I loved her but I wanted to keep my mom as my legal mom.
From that moment she started to treat me differently. I moved out soon after but I would always visit, she was cordial to me like you are with strangers, she introduced my siblings as her kids and me as her husband’s son. Me and my dad tried to talk to her but she just brushed us off saying that it was all in our head.
3 years ago, me and my sister became parents. With my son my stepmom would be inpatient and rude but with my niece she would be the calmest person in the world.
I had enough and asked what I did for her to go 180° on me. She said i was reaping what i sowed, that i rejected her as a mom so that she rejected me as a son.
After that I had given up in our relationship, we were cordial and that was it. My dad tried many times to reconcile us to no avail.
1 1/2 ago she got diagnosed with a terminal illness. Out of family I’m the one most well off so my father called me and asked me to pay for her treatments.
I visited and had a talk with her. She apologized for treating me badly and said she loved me like a son and that she had a bad reaction to my refusal of the adoption and regretted it.
She died a week ago, I only found out because my father called after and explained she didn’t wanted me there because she only wanted “family”.
My siblings have approached me and asked me to pay for her funeral expenses and I have refused.
They called me an a-hole saying that I couldn’t be mad for being excluded because I did it to myself when I refused to be adopted.
My wife is on my side and even though my dad says he understands me he said i should do it for my siblings because my stepmom was their mom.
What are your opinions? Did I over react?
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