Best Reason Ever Why You Should Not Mess With “Do Not Touch” Signs. This Is Gold.
So there was this Gorilla in a cage at Bobs local Gas Station. On the cage there is a large sign stating, “DO NOT TOUCH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.” Bob always found it to be rather peculiar that there was a Gorilla left in a cage at his local Gas Station, but hey ho. For months he went about his commute to work, each day stopping at the Gas Station to top up. Each day his curiosity grew and grew. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Bob arrived at the Gas Station to top up and continue his usual mundane journey to work. He was a successful business man you see, pretty good at his job too.
One cold December morning, Bob, couldn’t take it anymore. Instead of taking his Visa debit card from the reader and getting straight back into his car, he turned around. He turned around and caught the eyes of the large, hairy, dangerous- looking, and extremely angry beast. With extreme caution, Bob, began to walk toward the Gorilla. Each step watched on by the angry mammal. Bob stood no more than a foot away from the cage. He could feel the warm breath of the Gorilla on his face.
“I have waited too long for this,” Bob uttered to himself.
The Gorilla, at this point had clasped the metal bars that separate them both. Bob raised his clenched hand, barely an inch between the Gorillas hand and his. The sign seemed bolder than ever before, but Bob had had enough. He lifted his index finger and poked the Gorillas Right hand clasped on the bars.
The beast erupted. Bob fell to the floor and began to drag himself back to the car as the Gorilla began to tear the cage apart. There was a shower of debris falling around Bob as the Gorilla aggressively become more and more enraged as the cage began to disintegrate. Bob stumbled to his feet and headed straight for his car, opened the door, locked it and started the engine. The wheels screeched and the beast yelled. It was free. Bob began to accelerate with the beast hot on his trail. Never before has anyone set eyes upon something so enraged and angry. The blood had drained from poor Bobs face and a heavy feeling of nausea set in as he sped away from the Gorilla.
Slowly, the enraged beast became a spec in the rear view mirror. A sigh of relief was issued and the blood returned to Bobs face. Finally, it was over. He did it! He went against the signs instruction after so many months and he finally did it!
Back to his commute, the memory of the Gorilla still fresh in his mind, but no longer of concern. Slowly the car halted as Bob abides to the traffic lights. Bob reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of Marlboro cigarettes and lit one. Window down, arm out into the bitter cold and the cigarette in hand. Bob turned his head to the vehicle also halted next to his. Fear struck the eyes of Bob. His hands went limp as the cigarette fell landing on the asphalt. The blood had left his face once again as he realised that the Gorilla was sat in the car right next to him.
There it was, those large hands that clasped the cage now clasped the wheel of the car it was in. The beast had its gaze directed at Bob. It was soul tearing. Bob could feel his eyes burning from the intensity and anger from the Gorillas gaze.
The wheels screeched. This time not four, but eight wheels as the two began to accelerate. Bob began to ram the side of the Gorillas vehicle to try for an escape as did the Gorilla to Bob for another purpose. Still Bob could feel the burning gaze of the extremely infuriated Gorilla. The lanes began to merge and ahead was a large Truck heading straight down the opposite lane. Bob and the Gorilla began to accelerate for the dominance of the lane. Bob forced his foot deep into his accelerator, forcing his eyes shut and edging ever so slightly past the Gorillas car. A large blow from the truck horn then suddenly, CRASH. Bobs eyes began to open. He, had won the lane. The pesky, angry Gorilla was gone, maybe even dead! Finally Bob relaxed again and pulled up to work.
After a quick discussion with his Boss as to why he was late, he headed to his office. He sat down and once again, breathed a sigh of relief. Four wheels for four walls. He pushed back into his chair and raised his feet onto his desk. “What a day!” He exclaimed as he laughed to himself, realising it was barely 10am.
A few hours pass by and Bob gets a call from management to go down to one of the conference rooms to discuss business. He tells them that he’ll be down in 5 minutes. Bob gets out of his chair and leaves his office through the door that overlooks all the cubicles on his floor. He takes a quick look around and begins to feel that burn again. That burn he felt a few hours ago at the traffic lights. He scans the top of the cubicles once again, only this time meeting the eyes of a smartly dressed, large, pissed off Gorilla.
The Gorilla screams a loud and mighty roar and begins to tear down all the cubicles separating him from Bob. Quickly, Bob heads for the elevator and smacks at the button witnessing the destruction left by the Gorilla in a cloud of paper and computer keyboards.
The elevator door opens and Bob clambers inside once again frantically hitting the button to close the door. Each and every hit of the button the Gorilla locks in. The doors begin to close, it felt like a lifetime, but eventually they seal.
A sigh of relief, all to familiar today.
“THE GODDAMN GORILLA IS ON THE BLOODY ROOF OF THIS ELEVATOR!”
Quick to think, life or death, Bob clicks the highest floor he can go to, the roof, in hope the elevator crushes the Gorilla. The elevator begins to rise with the Gorilla pounding down with its fists.
Bob runs out onto the roof, the highest floor. Outside and cold with no escape but to jump. All he can do now is hope his plan worked. Then one last punch.
Bob sees the Gorillas’ fist punch through the elevator, covered in blood and metal. Bob falls to his knees with tears in his eyes. “This is it…” he thought as the Gorilla eventually got out. The Gorilla panting heavily, each breath exaggerated with anger began to walk towards the wailing, crying businessman. Step by step, beg by beg.
“Please… Please don’t kill me, Gorilla!” The beasts eyes, blood red, forcing into the begging mans eyes and with that, the beast lifted its hands into the air. Clenched and ready to strike. “Please… I’m sorry.” As quickly as the man begged, the Gorillas right hand began to fall with such speed and force. The man froze, clenching every muscle in his body, ready to be killed, only to open one eye to notice that the Gorillas hand was poised above his shoulder. As his did at the Gas station, the Gorilla extended its index finger and poked hard into the Bobs shoulder. With one last look into the Mans eyes, the Gorilla opened its mouth. The world had froze for Bob. This was it…
And off the Gorilla ran.