Marriage is a beautiful phase in one’s life. In a marriage there should be love, respect and most important communication. You establish ground rules and limits for your relationship through conversations such as how things should be done and managed in your family and home. Read the story and share your opinion on what this couple should do.
Me f30 and my husband M32 have been married for 4 months. He likes to be independent in everything. Especially when it comes to money. He’s bad with money meaning he never plans for tomorrow and enjoys buying new things everyday.
I approached him with the idea of having a joint account. And he said okay. But sadly he took it as if his salary was doubled up and kept purchasing stuff that is expensive without evening running it through me. It was just like grab money and go spend it. Not okay because we have commitments.
I talked to him. His response’s that since his money’s in that account meaning he doesn’t have to tell me about where he spends it because technically…it’s his money. He admitted joint account was bad idea and unnecessary; In his words “am I crazy to think that everyone should just be able to have their own money to spend regardless of whether they are married or not?”
We decided that each of us have our own salary but both equally pay for everything. He agreed as long as he could buy whatever he wanted with his money.
Last night he suggested we go eat at a restaurant. I assumed each of us would pay for our own meals. We arrived and he ordered more dishes than me and two types of desserts. When it was time for paying. I asked the waitress for separate bills and my husband looked confused when he heard. He said “You’re not gonna pay for my meal too?”
I told him it’s his decision that each of us pay for everything ‘individually’. Told him this is what separate finances means. He got upset saying he spent all the money he had before coming to the restaurant and didn’t think I’d actually decline to pay. So it’s fair that I pay for dinner? After he argued and threw a fit I just paid for my meal and was about to leave when he called me selfish and mean.
He came home 2 hours later telling me his buddy came and paid for his meal no problem. He said I shouldn’t have declined to pay for his meal and was being mean to him. I told him to not take his misplaced anger out on me but he still argued with me about what I did and how unacceptable it was.
After that I took some time to calm down. We had a talk this morning and when I suggested therapy first thing he said “Okay, But who’s paying?” Then reminded me of what I did and how unacceptable it was. He keeps bringing it up and wants me to apologize.
In case our jobs are relevant: I’m a secretary and He’s a Police Officer.
What do you think about the wife’s decision?