Daughter Finds Out Why Her Dad Abandoned Her 15 Yrs. Ago.
For most of my life I was just raised by my mother, since my father left us when I was 3, and we are very close. My mom has always been vague about the details of the divorce, just that it was very painful and sudden, and that he never had interest in getting custody of me.
A couple months ago I was going through documents looking for my birth certificate, and I came across their divorce papers. Surprisingly, my mom was listed as the one who filed for divorce, contradicting her story that he left us. I figured there must have been a reason for this, like him being abusive, but I know that my mom is sensitive about the topic so I didn’t want to bring it up. I asked my aunt, her sister, but I was just told to drop it.
It’s been bugging me, so I found him on Facebook. His profile was completely private, but his profile picture showed him with a little boy, who must be my brother. I found his business email online, and against my better judgement I emailed him asking if he would like to meet for coffee. He agreed.
Last week we met, and he was completely not what I was expecting. He was THRILLED to see me, almost cried, and wanted to hear everything I had been up to for the past 15 years. I asked why he left, and that’s when I got his side of the story:
Towards the end of their marriage, my father confessed to my mom that he is bisexual, and that during high school and college he had a serious boyfriend. He was ashamed of his sexuality, which was why he hid it from my more traditional mom. My mom was angry, but didn’t divorce him because of it. After the divorce he began dating his boyfriend again, and my mom freaked out over me being “exposed” to this. My mom petitioned for full custody, and was granted it. Over the years my father has attempted to reach out to my mom about me, but she has never budged.
I asked my mom about what really happened, no bullsh*t. I told her dad’s side of the story, and she tearfully admitted that it was true. She insists it was not out of anger or bigotry, but because she genuinely believed that it was best for me to stay with her.
I am just so shocked still. She lied to me for years, making me think my own father did not want me. My dad and I are reconnecting now, but I have missed so much. Next week I am going to meet his husband and my 7 year old brother. I live with my mom, but I can’t speak to her right now. She is begging me to forgive her, but I’m so angry and I don’t know how I’ll ever not be angry with her.