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Father Asks Is He A Jerk For Disinviting Late Wife’s Children From His Wedding.

Source: Reddit

About a year ago, my wife (Anna, 60F) of 25 years passed away, 8 months after being diagnosed with cancer. Besides our 25 year old son (Andrew), she also had 3 other children (Allison 42F, Barbara 40F, Caleb 39M) from a prior marriage. Their father was never really around, so I (52M) have raised them as my own basically ever since I married their mom.

Anna’s cancer was very difficult for me financially, and I wound up having to downgrade my car to pay for medical bills, and make withdrawals from my 401k, and take on a lot of debt. Shortly after Anna died, I met another woman, Beth (49F) who I have since married. Given that we’re living together in Beth’s house, selling Anna’s house made a lot of sense. When we were packing up the house, I asked Anna’s kids if they wanted anything, and they said they didn’t.

I invested a large amount of money renovating the house and getting it ready to sell, and eventually found a house-flipping company that would take it on. On the day of the closing, I was surprised to find out that Allison had sent an email to the lending company, telling them that she had been reading up on state law, and that since Anna’s kids weren’t mine, they were entitled to the portion she would have gotten from the sale. Turns out she was right. I feel like Anna’s children deliberately chose to kneecap me, but they’re insistent that Allison didn’t know what was going on and was just asking questions. I should have been able to take the money Anna and I had saved up and start a new life, but now I’m probably going to have to sell the new motorcycle I just bought and have long wanted, and I’m not going to be able to get myself out of debt. This was supposed to be a fresh start for me, and now I’m stuck with the same old problems I’ve always had.

The day of the eventual closing I was still extremely upset, so when I woke up for work, I texted Allison, Barbara, and Caleb and let them know that I’d also been doing my own reading about our state’s laws, and it turns out I’m not actually their father, and they should work on their relationship with the person who actually is. I also told them they were no longer welcome at my wedding, which was the next weekend.

Upon finding out I had said that, Andrew was extremely upset with me. We met for lunch the following day, and I asked him to be my Best Man, but he told me that unless I apologized to his siblings, he didn’t want to attend my wedding. I was hoping he’d get over it, but he hasn’t talked to me since, saying that he’s too old to be a 25 year old child of divorce, and that he was offended that I got married the weekend after the anniversary of his mom’s funeral. To me, that date isn’t particularly meaningful since the date that weighs on my heart is the one that she actually died.

Beth thinks I should just swallow my pride and apologize so that Andrew will talk to me again, but I can’t help but feel hard done by here.

What are your opinions? What do you think about this situation? Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: 


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