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Father Corrects Son For Making A Spiteful Comment In Front Of His Future In-Laws.

Source: Reddit

My ex-wife, Natalie, and I had an amicable but not loving marriage.

We had 2 children, Michael (28M) and Lily (30F).

When Michael was about 10 years old, she and I saw that we no longer had romantic feelings, but a beautiful friendship. But for reasons at the time (mainly our children), we decided to continue the marriage until our children left home.

Basically nothing has changed on a daily basis, we were* still the same couple as always, but we didn’t force something we didn’t want.

When Michael moved away for college and home permanently (at age 19) we decided to make the gradual move and finally make our divorce official.

Michael didn’t handle it well. For months he tried to convince us to try couples therapy, “intervention”, that it was a bad phase in the marriage and not to sign the divorce paper until we were sure.

We explained together, separately, that it wasn’t a bad phase and that we stayed together for the good of the family only, etc. Over time, he conformed (but hasn’t accepted until today).

I am currently married and so is Natalia. We have a great relationship and often spend Christmas and New Year’s together with our children.

What happened:

Michael is engaged to Liam and we recently had dinner with him, his in-laws, fiance and Natalie to celebrate the engagement.

Michael still has a habit of making spiteful comments about the divorce and how traumatizing his parents’ experience of getting divorced was. Several times, I said that this was something that hurt us to hear, because above all, my ex and I cherish that our children don’t suffer from our decision.

During dinner, we were talking to his in-laws and they asked how long we’d been apart and how good we had a relationship etc.

Michael at some point, said: “It wasn’t such a good thing for the family, it was a traumatizing experience to see your inspiration as a couple break up and your family fall apart”.

To say that Natalie and I were embarrassed that he said it in front of his in-laws is not necessary.

I had my limit and I said “Look, Mike, I understand your feelings, but it’s been 9 years that your mother and I haven’t been together and you didn’t even live with us during this process. We are already in another moment of our lives. I think it’s over time to get over it and turn the page”.

He was quiet and stayed that way for most of dinner, saying only what was necessary.

Later, I got a text from him criticizing me saying I should respect his feelings and he was just venting which was a valid thing and I shouldn’t say that in front of his in-laws.

Am I Wrong ? What should I Do ?

English is not my first language and I’m not an expert at it (google translate helped). When I said that our children didn’t suffer, I mean we tried everything that wasn’t the worst scenario and that they didn’t suffer so much, obviously there would be “damage”, but that it was as little as possible. Although many say it was a lie (and that’s ok), it was the best scenario for several reasons as well besides the children at the time.

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