I (25f) realized about 3 years ago I had a drinking problem, but at 22 I thought I was too young to quit drinking. I would miss so many social situations, or at least that was my excuse.
After college I moved 3,000 miles away from my family and friends. At first drinking was my way to meet people in my new state, but then I would continually fall into cycles of shutting myself in and drinking alone for weeks on end, not going to my hiking group or seeing anyone. But I would always bounce back. I would tell myself, I stop drinking for now. It’s just a break. A break will make the problem better.
Quarantine changed that. With COVID, and I was left on my own even more since I couldn’t go into work. My hiking group shut down. To deal with my loneliness I started drinking more and more. To the point I was drinking a big bottle of rum a week plus wine and beer. I gained weight. I became lazy and lethargic due to constant hangovers. I was disgusted and hated myself.
I couldn’t tell anyone this as I was so embarrassed. I wasn’t ready to admit it. I was in denial. I can’t be an alcoholic. I am too young. I can’t quit now, what about traveling? What about parties? What about my friends weddings? What about my wedding?
One month ago today I admitted to myself. It is a problem. I am an alcoholic.
One month ago today I realized that every time I have been happy with myself was when I wasn’t drinking. I realized every time I have lost weight, and been in great shape, I wasn’t drinking.
One month ago today I finally did it. I poured all of all the alcohol in my house down the sink and gave it all up.
I am so proud of myself, but I can’t tell anyone because no one knows I had a problem. No one knows how bad it really was.
The urges and cravings are still there. But I am strong enough now to say no.
This isn’t just a now thing. It is not just another round in the endless cycle. I am not going to let it be. I am ready for this to be the rest of my life. I am free.