Divorces and remarriages are widespread, as are mixed families, which require a great deal of adjustment to get along. However, not all are welcoming and accepting of new family members. Read the story to know what drama took place and do you think the daughter did the right thing by expressing herself bluntly?
My parents were married and had me (16f) and my brother (18m). My dad had an affair with Kate and mom and he divorced. Ellie (11f) was the result of the affair and Tommy (9m) was born when dad married Kate. A year later Kate died. My dad’s family rallied around my half siblings and tried to make up for the loss of their mother. My mom shared custody of me and my brother with my dad. He had asked her to include Ellie and Tommy in her life after Kate died, and even told my brother and I a few times that they would be coming to mom’s with us and she’d be their mom now too. My mom never did take Ellie or Tommy into her home. I don’t even think she’s ever interacted with them. When I look back at moments where everyone was present, she was always one side with her family and dad was another with his and my half siblings.
Ellie and Tommy as they have gotten bigger have expressed all the emotions you might when you don’t have a mom but you sometimes share a home with kids who do. They get jealous, sad, frustrated, they have asked for us to share mom with them, they have wanted to come along when they hear mom is taking us on vacation. They have wanted us to all spend Christmas together. All kinds of stuff. They also have just dad’s side of the family since none of Kate’s want to be in their lives. But we have both sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles involved in our lives.
A few times over the years dad, or my grandma or uncle have asked me if I don’t dislike that my mom wouldn’t open her heart to kids who are part of my family. I always said no, because they are not her kids and so, it doesn’t make sense to me that she would.
My dad wanted to try and get my half siblings’ wish to come true for a Christmas where we’re all together, which would include my brother and I and our mom. Mom said no. She did not engage with him beyond her no. Ellie and dad then tried to get me to talk mom around and I said no and I told them I did not want to talk her around. Ellie got upset hearing that and left. Dad and my grandparents then cornered me later and asked me how can I say that when I know Ellie and Tommy feel left out and that they crave mothering. I told them I don’t care if they feel left out because it’s not my mom’s job to mother them and I would never expect her to do it and since one can’t be fixed without the other thing happening ie, them feeling left out can’t be fixed unless they feel like they now have a mom in my mom, then I realize it’s not going to happen. They told me my mom could, and should, have love for them as her children’s siblings. I told them dad should have thought about that before he cheated on her and got another woman pregnant while he was still married to mom. Did I go too far here?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: