My brother, “Paul,” and I are not close at all. We have very different worldviews and have incompatible personalities. I can tolerate him, but I would never consider him a friend. He’s been married to “Lisa,” for one or two years now and they have a beautiful daughter together.
My girlfriend, “Amy,” and I were invited to celebrate my niece’s first birthday. Most of the family was invited, and it would be the first time I would have seen them all together (I only see my family once or twice a year, with a few exceptions.)
Amy and I arrived a little earlier than we were supposed to and instead of waiting in the car, we decided to go in. The first thing I noticed is how calm my brother seemed to be in contrast to Lisa, who was frantically running up and down. When he saw Amy, he immediately handed the baby over to her and got a beer to sit down and watch TV. Lisa was clearly struggling, and he was content with a beer and Netflix.
I don’t want to be rude and maybe this was a one-time thing but it bothered me how uninvolved he was. He handed Amy a baby with a full diaper with vomit on its clothes.
Eventually Amy, Lisa and I finished everything. The house was clean, the food was ready, and Lisa looked ready to host a big gathering. We all paid zero attention to Paul.
When my family arrived, I thought everything was going well. I avoided Paul and enjoyed speaking to my family. After we had sat down to eat, Paul approached me, drunk, thanking me for helping Lisa. I did not want to be around him for long and moved out of his way.
He was very persistent.
I was ignoring him but he started talking about Amy. “Protect Amy like a “real” man.” or “You’ve got a great woman by your side.” You know what, whatever. It was slightly odd and mildly uncomfortable, but I was able to brush it away. Amy was trying to sober him up a little bit before the cake-cutting so she was “selectively hearing.”
We tried to get him to stop talking and drink water. However, he had a lot to say about Lisa. He was complaining about how pregnancy “ruined” Lisa’s body and how a baby ruined his life. Amy and I kept looking at each other awkwardly and we were soon going to leave him be.
We didn’t leave the conversation soon enough.
He was complaining to be about his sex life, or lack thereof, and commenting on how desperately he wanted to have sex with someone “fit like Amy.”
This made the both of us extremely uncomfortable. Amy left, quickly apologising to Lisa. I told him that he was a “disgusting, gross man who needs some fu**ing help,” before I left.
Apparently, this made him super upset and he started wailing at the party. Paul told everyone that the reason he was crying was because of my words to him. He got over it quickly, but a few people told me I was wrong to shame a father on his child’s birthday. I could have probably left without making a statement. I need some advice on if I’m wrong.
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