I have a brother who is two years older than me. He has suffered from a condition since birth that forces him to be in a wheelchair anytime he is out of bed. He cannot use his arms that well either.
We used to have a great relationship until I turned 11 and I really started resenting the amount of attention he took from my parents. And how much stress he put them under.
I had to constantly help him, change him, feed him. I hated it.
There was a few years in his life when he so mean to my parents and it really made me resent him more.
I realize now that I had no right to judge him and I will never know how difficult life is for him.
I stopped hanging out with him and made more friends at school. I would tell my family all the fun I was having at school during dinner to make him feel bad.
I started barely talking to him or acknowledge his presence. He would get frustrated to the point of tears to get my attention.
It started escalating two years ago when I would purposely turn off the wifi and unplug the tv every time we had to leave the house so my brother could do nothing but sit in his wheelchair.
I would purposely delete his favorite saved shows on the DVR. I would make fun of his speech. Push things just out of his reach.
I would act disgusted when I had to change or bathe him. It always made him feel bad and he would apologize. I made my own brother apologize for taking a dump. What the f*ck is wrong with me?
But my saint of a brother never told my parents. And he never let me have it.
Three weeks ago, he was trying to talk to me non-stop and I was just ignoring him. I got annoyed and wheeled him against his wishes to the backyard and placed him under an umbrella and went back inside. I fell asleep and realized I left him out there for three hours.
When I went to bring him back inside he was in tears and wouldn’t look at me. He was humiliated.
I have always felt guilty about how I treated my brother all these years but my anger towards him overpowered it. But seeing that look on his face affected me in a way that was different from before.
I stopped all the bullying after that day. I couldn’t even look him in the face I was so ashamed.
Last Sunday my brother told me he was glad I was his brother and friend. I couldn’t even respond. I went to my room and cried.
I was asking to myself ? When did I become an evil trash human being?
I’m 17 and he’s 19 now. I know there is nothing I can do to make up for the past 6 years.
I wrote up a long apology letter that I wanted to read to my brother and then I went towards his room, knocked on his door and he was so excited that it was me. I couldn’t even get through the first few words. I started crying after saying “I wanted to say I’m really sorry” and just couldn’t get through it.
I just got into bed with him and laid down next to him. He hugged me really tight and said “I missed you buddy”.
I lost it. I never cried that bad before. He just hugged me for a long time until I calmed down. We didn’t talk much. He started crying for a bit too. It was the first time in a long time we just hugged. After half an hour I got up and gave him a kiss and he told me he was so happy. Why didn’t I do this earlier.
I thought I could I try apologizing properly again tomorrow. I left him the note to read anyway.
I am feeling very hopeful right now and a lot of pressure in my heart is gone. I swear to God and on my own life I will never treat my brother so badly again.
I have been working part-time for the past year and I was saving some money so my brother and my mom could go on a trip to a place he really wanted to go to. But I think I will take my brother myself instead (when I turn 18).
I also realized that I need to have a relationship with my brother where I am not just taking care of him. It needs to be like a normal brother relationship. Like going for movies and stuff. It’s going to take some time for me to fix the mess I created though. I’m just lucky my brother is amazing.
