Source: Reddit
When I was 16/17 (I’m 27 now) I dated a boy in my high school. He was pretty much my first everything for sexual experiences. I was raised in a very conservative and religious household, so a lot of the stuff we ended up doing took a lot of pressuring on his part. It was never forceful, but it was pressure, it caused me a lot of stress at the time, and really changed how I viewed my worth based on my sexuality.
Honestly, I haven’t really thought about that portion of our relationship in years with the exception of it occasionally coming up as a contributing factor in other problems during therapy. He and I remained friendly over the years, but never talked about anything serious or even more than the occasional comment on someone’s Facebook post.
Today he messaged me out of the blue. It was long and I could tell he put a lot of thought into it. He basically stated that due to the passing of time/aging/and now working as a victim advocate for survivors of violent crimes for our state, he has been reflecting on his past behavior and has felt really guilty for it. He apologized for bringing it up and also for waiting 11 years to apologize for pressuring me into things. He said basically he wasn’t sure how I saw it, but from where he stood he was in the wrong and he felt awful about being “that person” in my life.
I was completely blown away. Not only because I hadn’t expected this now or ever, but because I don’t think I realized until that moment how much I needed that. Also, that was a really brave thing he did. It’s been 11 years, he didn’t have to apologize ever. He didn’t even have to think about it if he didn’t want to. But he did, and he brought it up to me, and he apologized for his behavior like a man. To top that all off, it really let me put other things in perspective. For example, if pressure “wasn’t a big deal”, then maybe feeling trapped or feeling unable to say no to other guys wasn’t either. The fact that he was completely owning what he did and refusing to mitigate it, which pales in comparison to what other exes did, really shines a light on how serious the “little stuff” is.
I don’t know. I feel like I’m rambling now, but it gave me a new respect for him and lifted my standards of what men can do when they decide to own their stuff and be accountable. Never in a million years did I think I’d see this day. It’s bittersweet in a way, but I’m glad it happened and I hope it gives us both more peace.
