His Girlfriend Died Unexpectedly Leaving Behind A Toddler.

Love and respect your spouse since you never know when death will take your better half away. And the pain is unbearable. So remember to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day and mean it. (Thanks William for sharing this story with us through our page).

Source: Reddit

My girlfriend died. I try not to actually say it because it kind of feels like saying it makes it real, even if that’s not rational and reality is what it is regardless of if I have the courage to admit it. I feel like calling her my girlfriend isn’t giving a proper picture of our relationship. We’ve been together for years and have a child who’s not even 3 yet. There were reasons we didn’t get married, but I’d hate to understate the love and bond we had. Have. I thought of her as a wife. I expected to grow old and ugly with her. I want nothing more than just to have her here with me and our child.

I’m just kind of feeling broken. I’m a single father now and while I have a lot of support from family, it never feels like it’s enough. It feels like half of me is just gone. I think about “it’ll get better in time”, but “better” for me is her coming home. But she won’t. In the back of my mind, when I think to just take one step at a time, I realized that what I’m doing is waiting for things to return to normal, but then I realize that’s impossible. It isn’t fair to her. She’s had a lot of hardships in her life and having our child was one of the greatest things to happen to us and being a mom was her greatest wish. Becoming parents gave us more meaning to our lives. Watching our child grow is some of the happiest parts of our day and she deserved to see that.

The people I might normally talk to are asleep and I’m too exhausted physically and mentally to talk on the phone anyway. I thought that, after coming home from the hospital and after the police had left, I’d feel a little better just getting to be alone. But even with my child running around and everyone offering to talk, I feel so alone. My child sometimes asks about “mommy” and looks up to the stairs as if she’s coming down after waking up from a nap, and I don’t know what to say other than “mommy is sleeping, but she loves you”. She’s a toddler and too young to understand. I also keep looking upstairs and it feels like she should be there. She should be there.

Her passing was sudden. She had a seizure while alone in our living room. Our child and I were upstairs sleeping. She was talking to someone over the phone and that person is who called 911. I woke up to police in my home, searching for “a person in distress”. This isn’t the fist time she’s had a seizure or needed to go to the hospital for it, but this is the first time she didn’t wake up. They worked to revive her for maybe 10 minutes while an officer spoke to me/kept me calm and out of the way. They managed to revive her, but she passed on the way to the hospital. I went from immense relief to feeling lower than I ever have before.

It feels like I can’t actually be happy. At least not for more than a moment. I see my child doing something cute and I genuinely smile or laugh, but then the moment is gone again. And I actually feel guilty for being happy, even for a second. I put on a happy face to keep my toddler happy, but I feel broken without my wife. I know and I’m committed to being as good a dad as I possibly can, but everything feels overwhelming and wrong. It feels wrong that she’s not coming home. It feels wrong that my child lost her mother. It feels wrong that someone so kind is just gone. It feels wrong that it was so abrupt.

I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. She didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to me or our child. We weren’t fighting, but I didn’t even give her a kiss before bed just by chance. We were both just really tired. She was fine and slept before I did. I went to sleep hearing her gently snoring next to me. She woke up before I did and went downstairs. And when I woke up and she’s gone. A person whom I love and have spent nearly every day with for several years was just gone.

She’s had seizures in the past and if I were there with her instead of sleeping, she might have gotten medical help faster. She might still be here. It’s hard not to feel some guilt. I can say it’ll get better and I know it will because I have to raise my child. I don’t have the option of crawling in to a corner and hiding, as if my family would let me, but this feeling of loneliness and emptiness and loss and regret will never fade. Or it feels like it wont.

I’m not one to be open or vulnerable, especially on the internet, but I appreciate anyone who read through this. There probably aren’t words that’ll help, but I’d like to think a few people out there will know that my girlfriend was and is a beautiful soul, a wonderful mother, and supportive spouse, and the world is lesser for her not being in it. She lives on in our child and in my heart. I’ll still try to get up every day and be the kind of guy she deserves. I just hate that she doesn’t get to experience this life with me. And it might be selfish, but I hate that I’m alone without her.

I’ve been trying to be non-specific, but I suspect anyone who knows her and I will be able to guess what I’m trying to hide. I won’t hide this, though. I love you, Kate. That’ll never change. Nothing can take you from my heart and our child will know just how wonderful and loving her mother is, even if her mother is gone. I love you.

Thank you for reading this. Tell your friends and family you love them every time you get the chance.

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