I’ve been with my husband for 16 years; we’ve got a 2 and 9 year old together and he’s got a 25 year old “Adam” and 20year old “Nina”
I’m trying to keep this limited due to word count…so if I sound blunt, it’s because of that. When Nina was 6 her mother went no contact, she still had contact with Adam so we had Nina 100% of the time.
We had issues with Nina lashing out and stealing, she would ditch school so often that they’d tell her to come in and sit in the office instead of going PE.
At 13 she moved in with her grandparents and at 16 she had her child.
She’s changed a lot, she’s a responsible adult and is now in therapy.
Adam reached out and told me Nina texted him and asked to visit, my husband (her dad) hasn’t received text/phone calls from her since her 15th.
But we had plans to visit my mother with my children, as my mother is sick – my mother is stuck in her ways and doesn’t like Nina, for behaviour that wasn’t Nina’s fault but we don’t expect my mother to have long.
So I reached out to Nina and told her this year doesn’t work, she can visit after Christmas and next Christmas.
I didn’t receive a reply, when my husband found out he lost it and said I may have ruined his chances of bonding with Nina, I said she didn’t even reach out to him? And the chance to bond would’ve been when she was a child acting out for attention, not now.
Things have been tense and I’m wondering if I should have let Nina visit, but as I said it could possibly be my last Christmas with my mother – Nina has so much more and more time to visit.
Nina was closer to her father, he was the one who decided to send her to live with her grandparents and he was the one who let her down. I was the only one who actually encouraged her into therapy, who’d send her money when she needed it. The relationship fell apart because of her dad – not because of me. Am I A Jerk?
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