My wife and MIL have been trying for the past few months to find a time for MIL to come visit us. MIL is currently separated from her husband (my wife’s stepdad) and is kind of bouncing from family member to family member helping them out. She’s been house-sitting, dog-sitting, cleaning, painting, organizing, etc. in all the different places she goes. I honestly do not want that kind of help at our place, I don’t think we need it. But my wife wants MIL to visit so she can at least spend time with our 3-year old son.
Two weeks ago, MIL texted my wife on a Thursday to let her know she would be coming the next day. Not the most respectful or convenient thing to give one day notice in my opinion, but not the end of the world. She also told my wife that she plans on spending 2-3 weeks with us. Again, that seems like a long visit and a bit presumptuous on MIL’s part.
I told my wife I would appreciate a bit more advance notice, and she just kind of said this was what works for MIL. I asked about the long stay and my wife said that she has a lot of work stuff going on the next couple weeks in the evenings and on weekends so that MIL could help me out at home. I told her I don’t need the help and I don’t necessarily appreciate the implication that I do. She told me it will be good for MIL and our son to spend some extended time together.
Last week my wife did have to work in the evenings and on Saturday. I tried to keep to our son’s routine as best as possible, but MIL kept indulging him whenever he wanted to stay up later or play outside later than we usually do. Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, just kind of frustrating. But my son loves playing with MIL so I didn’t say or do anything about it.
What I did do was pretty much ignore MIL after my son went to sleep or when my wife was home. I just hung out in the basement and relaxed. I wasn’t rude to her, I just didn’t really initiate conversation or go out of my way to spend time with her. I guess she told my wife that I have been making her feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.
My wife confronted me about this over the weekend and told me I need to be nicer to her mom and make her feel more welcome while she visits. I told her that it is not my responsibility to make MIL feel comfortable in our home. I told her that I will be civil and polite and help MIL if she asks, but I am not going to go out of my way to be proactive for her.
My wife said that MIL is going through a hard time and it’s been hard on her going from place to place without having anywhere to call her own. I told her that’s of her own choice as she was the one who moved out on her husband and that she has a place to call her own, she just doesn’t want to go back.
My wife told me to stop being a selfish jerk and to at least act like I am ok with her mom being there for a few weeks. She said it won’t hurt me to not act like a Jerk while she’s here.
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