Every marriage has its highs and lows. It’s important for both spouses to share their feelings to each other with love and respect. In this story however, there appears to have been a misunderstanding between the two, resulting in the husband/dad to complete breakdown. A burned-out dad recently wondered if it was wrong to rage at his wife for waking him early to take the kids to school despite her agreement to let him rest first.
My (M) wife (F), Sonia, is a SAHM of our 2 children (7M and 5F).
I really try to help with the kids when I get home, I know being a SAHM is pretty tiring even though she has part time off from school, but help with homework**, make food and taking care of kids can be exhausting. When I get home, I make dinner, wash the dishes and stay with our children for a while so she can have her moment too.
These weeks have been pretty exhausting. It is a very important month professionally, in November will be the delivery of a 6-month project that my team and I are idealizing.
Last week was the final touches and review of the entire project, so I went to work at 8AM, got home at 5PM, took care of my kids until 9PM and was actually working until 3/4AM. To maybe get 4/3 hours of sleep (I have trouble sleeping). So if I slept 12 hours in 5 days it was a lot.
I was exhausted, I wasn’t even driving because I didn’t trust my senses to drive. I couldn’t vent to Sonia, because she was stressed too (our children had the flu).
I was dragged to the hospital by my co-workers after nearly passing out while walking.
The doctor demanded that I take a week’s medical leave because I was already on the verge of a burn out.
When I got home, I spoke to my wife and she seemed to be understanding. I asked her to give me a day off from everything, as I would try to get as much sleep as possible that night to come back better. She said fine. I offered to also give her a day off because I know she was tired too.
I went to sleep at 9PM and woke up to Sonia nudging me to take the kids to school (I walk with them). I talked about what we talked about yesterday and she said “Yeah, but that’s your part of the morning and I have other morning plans” (yoga class, gym and house cleaning).
I asked her 3x more to do this for me, as I was still exhausted (6:30 am), but she just said “You’re still a father, tired or not”.
It could be tiring or not, but I ended up losing my mind and screaming “I just need a few hours of sleep, please respect what I asked of you yesterday and let me sleep, man.”
She was in shock and said okay then. She took the kids and I slept until 4PM.
There were several messages from her saying that I shouldn’t have yelled at her for asking me to take responsibility as a parent and that it was toxic behavior of mine.
Well, we haven’t talked much more than necessary for 2 days. Am I A Jerk? What Should I Do ? Advice ?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: