My mom is in the very late stages of Alzheimer’s. She’s pretty much just here, existing and not living.
I just had my first child. This is a very vulnerable time for a lot of women and some are fortunate enough to have their mothers by their sides throughout their journey to motherhood. I didn’t have that. My mom is bed bound, nonverbal and barely shows signs that she recognizes my dad or myself. She can’t feed herself and must be changed and turned every two hours.
Last night, I held my son and cried for my mom as he slept. I just found out my ex cheated on me while we were together during my pregnancy and got the girl pregnant. So my newborn son will be a big brother in a few months. I just wanted my mom to hold me and tell me that he’s a piece of trash, that I will meet someone who will make me forget all the pain and heartache he caused, you know all the mom stuff.
Anyway, here’s my confession: I take a million pictures of my baby all day long and last night I started sending them to my mom’s cell. Something about seeing my mom’s name in my recent messages makes me feel a little better. I know it may seem silly because she’ll never see them but in my mind she somehow does. And I still pay the phone bill so that I can hear her voice say “please leave a message, thank you bye bye”.