“I Paid A Random Girl $100 To Take A Selfie With Me To Convince My Family I Have A Girlfriend”
My parents have been hounding me for years now about my nonexistent secret love life, and they don’t understand how I can be 20 and not have a girlfriend. Even my grandparents are badgering me about it now, and I can’t bring myself to admit to my parents that my socially awkward self has never been able to woo a girl or even casually flirt. Since lockdown started I’ve been at home all the time, and my parents bring it up every dinner.
A few months ago I ran into a girl I recognized from high school that I barely knew and out of desperation I impulsively convinced her to take a selfie with her kissing me on the cheek for $100. I showed it to my parents when I got home and for the first time in 3 years they’ve finally stopped taunting about being single and I don’t have to go through the daily guilt trip about having never been in a relationship.
With COVID going on, I have the perfect excuse not to invite her over to dinner, and my parents have absolutely no idea I’ve been lying to them about my nonexistent relationship for months. I hate myself for lying to them, but I’ve been so much less stressed out all the time now that I’m not constantly dreading being lectured on how much of a loser I am every day.