“If You Don’t Want Kids, Don’t Have Them!”
I never wanted kids. In my 20s, of course I had people tell me I would change my mind, but I never did. I just never felt an affinity for having or taking care of kids or delighting in their existence that I created. If one doesn’t feel that way, why have kids? I mean, there are enough people who want to, so it’s not like it’s needed. It’s totally popular to have kids in America, so if you don’t want to, who cares?
I never felt it was selfish for recognizing my own needs, and I never had kids or got married, BTW.
Do I regret that, or ever thought about, what if I had kids? Only in the most superficial romanticized way. Yeah, I would love to know what a kid of mine would look and be like. Would I get credit for creating a good kid. Of course, in my mind, I would have an especially charming attractive kid. Only a positive reflection on me. Obviously, not a good reason to procreate. I never was down for the hard work of child rearing.
That’s why I didn’t have kids. It just wasn’t in my nature.
Now I’m 55 years old. How do I feel now? Exactly the same! No regrets! (Advice: trust yourself.)
And, on a semi-related note: those of you who are “afraid of dying alone.” I have always thought this was a stupid idea. Despite anyone’s best laid plans, there are no guarantees that you will not die alone. Look at all the people dying alone during the pandemic, people from large families and long marriages. Being afraid of dying alone is not a good reason for having kids (or for getting married).
My 2 cents. Thank you for attending my TED Talk.