Every relationship experiences ups and downs. Money is a major source of disagreement in every relationship. It is OK to pay for lunch with friends on occasion. But is it OK to pay for a boyfriend’s lunch or anything he purchases as a result of his unfortunate circumstances? After reading the story, do you agree with the girlfriend’s decision?
So, my f28 fiance Jack, m30 has a friend Steve, m33 who had cancer but is now doing better. He’s one of Jack’s closest friends and Jack was there for him all the way to the end of treatment. Steve started going out and socializing again which’s great! Howeverrrr, Whenever we go out, Jack will expect me to pay for Steve’s meals or drinks using the excuse of “he had cancer, show some empathy”. We went to an electronics shop one time and Jack told me to pay for Steve’s purchases because “he’s had cancer”. I sucked it up once and twice but then told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He emphasised on the fact that Steve had cancer and reminded me of how his financial status was affected and so “we” should help from time to time. But funny how I’m always the one paying.
Yesterday, Jack and I were at a restaurant for lunch. Steve somehow showed up and sat with us. We ate lunch and chatted before we left and as I was about to pay the bill. Jack gestured for me to pay for Steve’s meal too. I played dumb and said “I’m sorry but why should I pay for his meal?” Jack obviously didn’t wanna say “because he had cancer and is struggling” out loud and in front of Steve so he asked me to step outside so we could talk. I refused and said that there was nothing to say, that Steve had cancer which was unfortunate and all that but that in no way makes him entitled to my money. Steve looked stunned, he glanced at Jack and Jack was fuming. He told me to “just pay this time” but I only paid for our lunch then got up and made my way out. I heard him repeatedly apologizing to Steve as I was walking out.
Jack didn’t come home but left 4 nasty texts calling me unhinged, petty, selfish and short sighted as well as unsympathetic to what his friend went and is going through. I texted back that his friend’s unfortunate circumstances aren’t my responsibility nor are they my fault. He said I’d lose nothing if I just paid for his lunch and that walking out on him was nasty beyond comprehension. I told him he could’ve paid for him if he felt so strongly about it. He responded by saying I was being willingly ignorant since I know he’s out of job as of now, and said that a small act of kindness could’ve gotten me a long way but I made it about myself, my money, and jeopardized his friendship for no reason. He’s still mad saying he won’t speak to me til I make it up to him and Steve. Am I A Jerk for walking and refusing to pay?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: