Judge Laughed Through The Divorce Proceedings And Said She “Totally Deserves This”.
This happened a few years back. I was going through a nasty divorce — custody fights, crazy legal bills, having my reputation drug through the mud, etc. I’ll spare you the usual details, but my wife was really into making my life hell for no reason other than not putting up with her abuse any more.
Anyway, I noticed my mail started disappearing. This was out of my own mailbox, and anything that still went to the old house showed up weeks late, and already opened, if at all. I took my complaint to the Postal Inspectors, but they refused to take the case after hearing a divorce was involved, because they didn’t want to get in the middle of a he-said-she-said thing. Thanks guys, sorry enforcing the law is such a chore. Anyway, I forwarded everything I could to my office, and would occasionally send myself letters just to make an estimate of what the loss rate was. Some of the stuff was real, and some was made-up letters about trips I’d gone out (when I was in town), and other nonsense just to confuse her.
I was angry and bored one night, and decided I’d REALLY give her something to really think about. I looked up the address of a law firm in my home town, and an off-shore bank in the Bahamas. I cooked up a nice letterhead in Word, and wrote myself a letter confirming that a six-figure sum had been forwarded from my parent’s estate to an off-shore bank, giving details. The next time I was in that town, I dropped it in the local post box.
The letter disappeared, of course, and I kind of forgot about it.
About a year later, when I was in court dealing with some other ridiculous bullshit, her lawyer demands that the “marital property” be re-divided, as I had fraudulently covered up some major assets. I was floored that she’d gone to all this trouble — I figured she’d eventually catch on, but that it would majorly mess with her head, and she would start doubting what of her spying was accurate, and where I was gaslighting her. But noooooo….she spends a ton of money on a lawyer to pursue this treasure trove of gold I’d buried on a tropical island. I denied it all, of course. She sent the lawyer to try to subpoena bank records, and talk to the other lawyers, and so forth, and they came back to court all flustered when they couldn’t prove anything. When I pointed out a couple “Easter Eggs” I’d hidden in the letter, such as that the bank account number was my Mother’s birthday, and that I’d mentioned a law firm named “Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe” (say it a couple times) in the letter, they went ballistic, and demanded the judge prosecute me for “impersonating a lawyer” (FYI: Not actually a crime) and “forgery” (on a nonsense letter I’d mailed to MYSELF?). I pointed out that while neither of those accusations would work, they in fact had submitted evidence of a crime, namely theft of US Mail, which is a felony, and things got very quiet. The judge actually laughed in their faces and told them they had gotten made fools of, and deserved it for stealing mail. That lawyer (her FOURTH, for God’s sake!) quit soon after, and she’s now toothless, as she owed money to all her different lawyers when word started to get around town.