My wife Katie(25F) and I (28M) had our first baby together about 3 months ago. I’m an athlete and Katie’s a stay at home mom.
Sleep is very important for me because of my sport. I can’t be waking up multiple times throughout the night and be sleep deprived. Katie and I talked about this before trying for a kid, and I told her that I can’t compromise my sleep for anything short of an emergency. I specifically mentioned that I wouldn’t be waking up during the night to help with the baby, but we could hire a night nurse to help out.
Things had been going smoothly until a few days ago, when Katie was being cold and distant. I asked if something was wrong, and she said everything was fine. She was quiet for a while, then finally mentioned that it’s extremely unfair that I’m not helping her at all with the baby during the night. I acknowledged that she has been working hard and not getting much sleep, but we also previously agreed to this arrangement.
Katie has refused to hire a night nurse to help, because she doesn’t trust someone new to watch our baby alone during the night. I suggested that she could have a family member help, but she didn’t want to burden them.
So we’ve been at an impasse. She still doesn’t want to hire help, and I’m still not waking up during the night.
We have a maid that cleans and does the laundry multiple times per week, and we also have a meal delivery service that makes a majority of our food. So I’m not just dumping tons of housework on her.
Katie doesn’t have a problem with the maid being around the baby because she’s known her for a while now.
We’ve also been going to regular doctor and therapist appointments, they don’t think she’s suffering from postpartum.
Hiring a night nurse would not be a financial burden, so the cost isn’t the issue.
I spend as much time as I can caring for and bonding with our baby, just not during the night when I’m sleeping.
EDIT FOR CLARITY:
I am a professional athlete, and my sport is our primary source of income.
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