Before I M40 got married to my wife 33 we talked about everything in advance. It was silly stuff at first. How we squeezed toothpaste, which direction the toilet paper roll should face, that sort of thing. But as our relationship progressed we talked about more serious stuff. How we would discipline our children, living wills, and what we would do if we knew we were having a child with severe special needs. We decided together that we didn’t want to do that to a human. To bring them into the world to suffer. We were lucky enough that it wasn’t ever something we had to deal with.
I had told my sister this because she is my best friend. She went running to our parents saying that we were terrible people who would terminate a pregnancy that wasn’t going to give us a perfect child. I never said that. We had to spend days explaining that we knew what we could handle and what we could deal with. My parents weren’t happy.
Well, unfortunately, my sister, 36 did not have this talk with her husband. When she was pregnant with their second child the doctor told them that the child would have many health issues. They prayed about it and went forward with the pregnancy.
My niece is nine now. And my sister now has an ex-husband. The medical expenses drained all their savings. And he could not handle knowing that caring for his daughter was going to be something he had to do for the rest of her life.
We just had Thanksgiving and my sister is having a tough time. My niece is in diapers and will be for the rest of her life. My sister can’t work because she would need special child care. No day care would do. Prescriptions are hundreds if not thousands every month. My parents are helping her but my dad has had to postpone his retirement to be able to give her money. My wife and I help with about $500 a month. It’s not much but it still puts a hole in our budget.
My sister wants to move in with me so my wife, who works from home, and my MIL who lives with us to help with our children, can help her with my niece. We don’t have room for three more people. Or the budget to make our house accessible. So I told her that we are not responsible for her life choices.
My parents are saying that I need to step up and help. Or that they will give everything to my sister when they pass away
I told them that this was a great idea. My family doesn’t want or need their money and that they should set up a trust for her now.
I guess that wasn’t the answer they wanted because everyone in the family is calling me an a**h**e for not taking care of my sister and niece.
So I guess I’m asking if I’m the AH for not wanting to be in a situation I intentionally avoided.
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