When it comes to all the connections one might have with family, there’s no doubting that the one with one’s mother-in-law is one of the most unique and difficult. Read the story to know what happened between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and let us know how would you deal with the situation.
This is a petty little thing but maybe you guys can help me know if I was in the wrong?
For context, I (25F) got married in November. My MIL doesn’t really like me, even trying to steal the spotlight at my wedding, but is still overly traditional. At Thanksgiving, I was having a really bad hair day so I wore a black leather cap (a dressier newsboy-style one), which my husband said looked great on me. The holiday was hostile, even more so than prior gatherings I’d been to, and hubby said MIL said it was because I wore a hat, but I know it was just an excuse. I told MIL I wouldn’t come to Christmas with them, then blocked her number and Facebook.
My husband is trying to keep us both happy since he doesn’t like conflict. He wants me to come to one more celebration to see if maybe people are getting used to me. He’s told MIL she needs to be nice and treat me as part of the family since I am and that if I feel unwelcome at Christmas like I did at Thanksgiving, that we won’t attend future events and she see him much anymore. I understand why he wants me to give her one final chance and haven’t had any conflict with him. Marriage is about compromise and I get that he doesn’t want to cut her off since she’s his mother, but I just don’t want to be involved with her unless I have to be.
I wanted to see if MIL was listening to him so I asked my husband to request that I be allowed to wear the same hat to Christmas. Hubby said he thought I’d worn it since I had a bad hair day, but this time it’s as a statement that they shouldn’t treat me as an outsider, either because I wear hats all the time (right now it’s just a sports visor, which I’d never wear to a holiday, so it’s not like I’m doing that) or they just don’t like me. If they won’t let me wear a hat, what else are they going to restrict about me? Let me be me or I won’t come. Period.
My husband agreed and relayed this to MIL and she’s been asking him why he married the devil. He’s growing tense with me and I told him he’ll probably have to pick a side sooner or later and that I never intended it that way. He spent last night at a friend’s house because he needed to think. I feel bad because I care about him and know conflict stresses him out. I told him to text me when he was ready to talk. He hasn’t yet.
My friends think that my hat request was unnecessary, and maybe I strained my relationship with my husband. I think he just needed space to think because conflict stresses him out, so I gotta ask: Am I A Jerk for saying I won’t come if I don’t wear a hat?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: