I have a close friend from college who’s getting married next year, and she’s been asking for my help to contribute to her wedding. I think it’s sweet that she’s thinking of me, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to help out financially.
My friend and I have been close for a few years now, and I’m happy for her. She is struggling financially, and they have asked that instead of wedding gifts, people can donate to parts of their wedding ceremony (there’s a registry and everything, like “table flowers” and stuff). I know she’s trying to save as much money as possible for certain reasons unrelated to the wedding. But I just don’t think it’s right for me to be helping her out with the costs at this time. I’m a recent doctorate candidate (soon), am currently writing a memoir, and I dont know when I will have time to get a job – anything I give is just that much less time I can live on my own. Even if I could afford it, I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to help out when I know her fiance already has a job and could definitely get another, and some of his friends seem well off.
I tried to explain my financial situation to my friend, but she’s still asking for help, even a little. She suggested that I could contribute a much smaller amount than others, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea. I told her that if I was in a better financial situation I would be more than happy to help out, but right now it just isn’t possible.
My friend got really mad at me and said that I was selfish, and that she expected more from me. Our group of friends all pledged to help pay for each other’s weddings back in college, and she says that since she helped pay for my wedding ($550), that I should help her out, even if it’s just $20. She is also threatening to tell our group of friends, just because all of them contributed to my wedding – but she completely ignores the fact that my marriage didn’t last even one year.
I don’t want to lose her friendship, and I really don’t want her to tell our friends – my financial situation is private. More importantly, I also don’t want to be taken advantage of. Am I A Jerk for not wanting to help pay for her wedding?
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