Source: Reddit
I(43F) have been with my partner(50M) for 6 years now. We have been living together for 5 of them. We are not married and we do not plan to marry in the future. I have a son (19M) who is currently a highschool senior. My partner has a daughter(21F) who is going to college.
The background you need to understand the issue: when I met my partner I was a widow of 3 years. I am lucky enough to have a very lucrative business and some family money. Also my late husband left a substantial estate, including the house we live in. The house is a family home so it passed to my son as the only heir. My partner also makes good money and the difference in our lifestyles was pretty much negligible.
But while I and my late husband made sure to not spoil our son (he was responsible for keeping his room clean even though we have a house keeper, he had chores during the weekends, we taught him how to cook, his allowance is reasonable, he has to save for expensive purchases like a car, a PS5…etc). My current partner and his ex-wife spoiled their daughter rotten.
Due to an incident when we first moved in together (she demanded my son’s bedroom since it was the second biggest, got rejected since it was his home and she only spends the weekend), and after some family therapy we agreed that she will be treated like a guest by me. She will have to follow the house rules and that it the extent of our relationship.
Now while she is spoiled she is a good girl, academically excellent, except for the aforementioned incident very respectful and just a pleasant young woman.
The problem is that I did not know the extent to which my partner spent money on her. He pays some money as “rent” that I put into my son’s college fund and we split the common bills in half. Everything else is our own responsibility so we don’t know much about each other’s finances.
Now my son is planning to do a tour of east Asia during the summer and I was happy to give him the money to do so (as a gift for getting into a very prestigious college). When my stepdaughter heard about it she asked her dad to pay for a tour of Europe since he didn’t send her on one after she got into college.
He agreed because he never says no, but he came to me asking me to lend him close to $30k because he can’t afford the trip on his own. I am not even giving that much to my son and his plane tickets are more expensive.
I refused. I said that since this wasn’t an emergency he can save and send her on the trip after she graduates college. Now he is not talking to me, saying that I am choosing favourites (I have no relationship with his daughter so I don’t know how that even is applicable) and that I am putting money over his happiness and relationship with his daughter. Do you think his request is reasonable? I can easily afford to lend him the full amount I just don’t want to, because his reasons are not convincing enough.
How would you handle such a situation? Any advice. Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
