Man Walks Out Of Meal Over Sister-In-Law’s Remark About His Cooking Which Leads To Huge Family Divide.
Respect for others and for ourselves is a necessary aspect of existence. Respect for one another is essential. Respect is something that is earned rather than given. We all need to feel appreciated and valued, no matter how old we are or what social rank we have. In any relationship, respect is essential.
I’ve been married to my wife for ~10 years and we’re a mixed-race couple (I’m Asian and she’s Caucasian). I’ve gotten along with her family (MIL, BIL, SIL), but I always felt like her FIL and other SIL (Sarah) never liked me.
I’m a professionally trained chef with 15+ years of experience and I work at a high-end Chinese restaurant (a spin-off of a popular one in Beijing) in a large US city. My crew and I have won several awards, and I’ve been explicitly told I’ll be the next executive chef. Sarah is also a professionally trained chef and works at a popular upscale French restaurant in the city. She constantly brags about it and (no joke) compares herself out loud to Ramsay and Bourdain.
Whenever I’m at my MIL and FIL’s house and helping out in the kitchen, Sarah is always criticizing everything I do. Whether it’s chopping, braising, marinating, etc., she always butts in with comments like “Umm, I think you should actually do X like this…”. I’ve been patient for my wife and side stepping those comments, saying things like “Thanks, but I think I’ll stick to the way I do it.”
Things came to a head two weeks ago when my wife, FIL, MIL, and I were in her parent’s kitchen prepping dinner for my MIL’s birthday. We were running a bit behind so things were heated (which I kind of like because it reminded me of work) and that’s when Sarah walked in. She took one look at what I was doing, scoffed, and said something like “Oh wow, okay, so that’s not the right way of doing things”.
It hit a nerve and I pretty sternly told her to stop criticizing my cooking and that I’m also a chef like her. She laughed and said “making Kung Pao chicken at some Chinese restaurant doesn’t count”.
The kitchen went silent, FIL snorted/chuckled, and my MIL yelled “SARAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU”. I stopped what I was doing, swore at her and called her “a racist piece of sh*t”, apologized to my MIL for not being able to stay, and left for home with my wife.
Apparently this caused a massive fight after we left, with my MIL/BIL/other SIL taking my side and my FIL/Sarah saying “it was a joke but kind of true” and that I was “being too sensitive”. The extended family somehow got wind of this and now everyone is arguing and taking sides, with my wife even getting texts from some of her cousins apologizing for Sarah’s behavior.
Despite being on my side, my wife is begging me to apologize so that the fighting will stop but I refuse to because ***k Sarah and her blatant racism. My wife has also informed me that now Sarah may be in trouble at work and she’s blaming me for it. Apparently one of her co-workers heard her rant about what happened and reported it to management.
Family at war, wife begging me to apologize, what do I do?