Love your spouse in good health and in sickness is one of the vows made in a marriage. If you truly and deeply love your spouse you would be with him/her in bad times too. Not giving up on the relationship so easily. Instead valuing and adoring the individual. Making the individual feel wanted and loved.
My (26F) mother died while my father was in the midst of divorcing her.
She had been battling cancer for a year and a half. My father had a meltdown on his birthday six months into the experience, saying that he couldn’t believe she couldn’t put on a pleasant face for a day.
He promptly left the house and booked a place to stay for business travels. My mother was in ignorance until someone close to her informed her that they witnessed my father with his hand out and kissing another lady.
She filed for divorce one month before her death, and my father made his new girlfriend public (27F). My father arrived home after she died with a family friend and made a big spectacle, sobbing and stating they had a nice marriage and family.
Many individuals expected him to prepare the funeral because he was the deceased’s husband. However, most of our talks revolved around preparing the property for sale and coping with the inheritance that he intends to inherit as the husband.
He and his girlfriend moved into the home, and eventually he stated that because me and my mother were the event planners in the family, it would be better in my hands, and he gives me free authority to organize anything I believe is best. He also stated that he did not want any activities at THEIR location since his partner is germaphobic about where she lives.
I ended up doing everything with my grandmother, aunt, and my mother’s closest friend. When I sent him the formal notice indicating when and where the memorial will be held, he inquired why there wasn’t one addressed to his girlfriend and then showed me screenshots of discussions in which both he and his girlfriend were ridiculed.
Everyone who cared about my mother’s funeral thinks it’s unseemly for the guy she loved her whole life to sit next to a new girlfriend. Furthermore, everyone in our community under 40 refers to my father and his girlfriend as “Couple Club Molly” because of how much PDA they exhibit anytime they are out together. Her sitting on his lap all the time, making out, and keeping their hands in improper areas.
When I asked if my father would think about cutting back on the touching and rubbing up against each other / sharing a seat they’ve been known to do, he denied ever kissing in public and said he can’t help but assume I want to dictate how he mourns and that you can’t expect somebody who has been cruelly touch starved for like two years to acknowledge that state of affairs.
“Invite both of us or I’ll presume you’re not inviting me,” he says.
My father was never like this before. He used to be incredibly friendly and sociable, but everything that used to be so endearing about him is now cynical.
My primary fear is for my grandmother, who has had heart palpitations since we lost my mother, and the difficulty coping with drama or reminders of my father’s betrayal is too much for her.
Should I put the ball in my father’s court and let him choose what to do? Should I go ahead and officially invite his girlfriend? I spent almost all of my own money for this funeral, and my father paid a total of $100.