My sister (35f) and her husband (37m) have been struggling with infertility since they got married 12 years ago. They’ve tried absolutely everything, from medical to spiritual, but unfortunately, nothing works. Now that she’s approaching late 30s, they’re starting to look into adoption, but it’s also been slow going, since their financial condition isn’t exactly stable from multiple rounds of fertility treatments they went through. I can only imagine the struggle, and I sympathize with her, but the stress this situation is bringing her and her husband honestly puts a strain on our relationship.
My husband and I (both 30) lost our best friends, Mason and his wife, Kate, two weeks ago in a horrible car accident. They left behind their son Pete, who isn’t even two yet. It was so sudden and so heart-wrenching. We’re still grieving, which lowers out contact with a lot of people, including my sister and BIL. Our main concern right now is ourselves and Pete, whose custody has come to us because we’re both his godparents, actively engaged in Pete’s life since his birth, and because Mason and Kate have neither left a Will nor have immediate living relatives who can take him in.
We’ve decided to adopt Pete as soon as we can stomach the process. My husband and I never planned on having kids, and even if we did, this is absolutely not the way we want to go about it. The situation is far from ideal, but we’re starting the adoption process yesterday, for Pete’s safety if nothing else. We broke the news to our extended families and friends, letting them know that my husband and I won’t be very available for a little longer because of this.
I know my sister and BIL will have something to say about this. I’m prepared for a few heated text messages or voicemails. However, I didn’t expect them to turn up on our doorstep, crying about how “unfair” it is that we were given everything they wanted, and how we didn’t deserve to be parents because we didn’t go through what they had to. I’ve never seen my husband so angry before. He’s usually very mild and gentle, but recent events have stretched our patience to the limits. We kicked them off of our porch, and I told my sister before she left that since our pain inconveniences her so much, I won’t have her around me and my family at all anymore.
I know she made a fuss about it, and now everyone has something to say to us. We turned off our phones, so we don’t know which ones are cursing us and which ones aren’t. I know some did/are. My husband and I are both in pain and grieving, and we can’t trust ourselves to be objective. Did we go too far?
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