I’m tired of being poor.
I live in a poor neighborhood. Go to a poor school. My household makes roughly 32k yearly. I’ve had lice 5 times. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have roaches or mice in my apartment. I get made fun of for the technology I have, or lack thereof.
My mom works so hard for me and my siblings. Don’t think I’m ungrateful. I do my best to help raise my siblings, as I am the oldest. I love my mom more than anything. I don’t need the latest technology. I don’t need my clothes to be brand clothing. I don’t need my own room. I want a sanitary, safe, and comfortable environment for my family. I sleep on a top bunk, when my little sister doesn’t even have a bed and neither does my brother. My family feels suffocated in this apartment frequently.
I just want better for all of us. It’s hard for me to watch house renovations on TV, because I’m reminded of what I don’t have. I don’t talk to anyone about these struggles. Especially my mom, I’d hate to make her feel like she isn’t providing enough when she’s giving everything she has. I love her, and her sacrifices.
She doesn’t even take care of herself. Her clothing is older than I am, and I’m going to enter my junior year of HS. She doesn’t find beauty in herself. She never takes a day to go get her haircut, because she’s insecure about how thin it’s become after so much stress all these years. She doesn’t get her nails done because her job doesn’t allow it.
Still, she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I love her smile, I love when she takes the time to put on just a little bit of mascara, not because she needs it, but because she begins to feel pretty. She begins to see herself the way I see her, even if it’s just a little. There is no greater feeling.
I love her with everything I have, and with everything I have, she has given me.
I do my best in school so I can get into a good college. So I can get a good career, and take care of my mom. It will never compare to what she’s given me, to what she’s sacrificed for me.
But one day, we’ll get our hair and nails done. We’ll come home to where the fridge is always full. To where there isn’t a cockroach or mouse in sight. And I’ll say goodnight to her as she sleeps in her own room, in her comfortable bed, at peace, and still; pricelessly, eternally, and preciously beautiful.
That’s what I need. That’s what we both need.