Many people would agree that one of the most significant aspects of a person’s life is their family. Some argue that we can’t pick our family and in this way need to acknowledge these nearby individuals for what their identity is. Yet, life is loaded with complex circumstances that assist us to test ourselves and the individuals who are around us. Here in this story a mother wanted to describe the scenario her family was in and question if she made the proper decision in these circumstances. Read the story and help her out.
Source: Reddit
My younger daughter (Hayleigh, 28f) is marrying my older daughter (Jennifer, 30f)’s ex-fiancé (Sam). Jennifer is mad at me b/c I’m going to Hayleigh’s wedding. She says that, “I’m condoning her bad sister’s behavior as always”, but that’s simply not true.
When the wedding was called off & we found that it was b/c Sam & Hayleigh were dating, I called Hayleigh immediately & I asked her to rethink the relationship. Not only for her sister’s sake, but also because “if he could do it once, he could do it twice” & I didn’t want her to get hurt. She reassured me that, that wasn’t the case – that they were meant for each other & had known this for a long time, so I left it at that.
I spoke to Sam, too. He apologized for any hurt he may caused, but said that it wouldn’t be fair to marry Jennifer when deep in his heart he knew that he was in love with Hayleigh. They’ve officially been together for a little over a year now & they truly seem happy and in love.
My husband is supporting Jennifer. He’s disgusted with the whole situation & doesn’t want anything to do with it. At one point he announced that he wouldn’t be giving Sam his blessing or walking Hayleigh down the aisle.
I don’t like what this household has become. This is the first Christmas we haven’t spent together as a whole family. I don’t like the situation anymore than my husband or Jennifer do, but they don’t understand that ignoring the reality of it doesn’t make it go away.
When he had said that he wasn’t walking Hayleigh down the aisle, she was devastated. I asked my husband if he was willing to risk his relationship with Hayleigh by not walking her down the aisle. Jennifer accused me of trying to twist him to my side.
I told Jennifer that it’s not about sides, it’s about learning how to forgive. I’ve told her that it’s been over a year now since her & Sam broke up, and she’s been bitterly jumping from relationship to relationship because she’s so focused on Hayleigh and Sam, and that if she never learns to forgive them, she’ll never be at peace.
She says that I don’t understand that Hayleigh purposely stole Sam from her, & that she’s been doing this since they were kids and I never noticed. I told her that she should have told me then. She said that I should’ve been paying closer attention & noticed it. I told her that she had to learn to let go of certain things in the past in order to move forward & that if Hayleigh did steal Sam, as she claimed, then Hayleigh did her a favor.
She didn’t want to hear that, but it needed to be said. I also offered to put her on a three-way call with Hayleigh, but she declined. Then she gave me an ultimatum. She said if I go to the wedding it means Hayleigh was my favorite child all along and that she’ll never speak to me again.
I told her that I’m going to the wedding, just as I would’ve gone to hers if she was in that situation. She said okay & hung up. Later, my husband calls me from work telling me she called him crying.
I wanted to answer some questions here:
Q: Were Sam and Hayleigh having an affair, or did they start to date after the wedding was called off?
A: I’m not really sure. I never asked for details, and I’m not sure I really want to know either. From what I’ve been told, Sam came to Jennifer and told her that he couldn’t marry her because he was in love with Hayleigh.
Q: When I spoke to Hayleigh, why didn’t I tell her she was wrong?
A: Because if she doesn’t feel like she’s wrong at the age of 28, then nothing I say will convince her otherwise. We’ve all known what’s it like to be in love with someone that people we care about don’t like. And how did that turn out? Despite warnings, we had to see it through to the end and suffer the consequences. Because I loved her, I still warned her, but it’s up to her to make the decision for herself now.
Q: Why am I supporting Sam and Hayleigh’s relationship despite the hurt it causes Jennifer?
A: I’m not supporting the relationship, I’m supporting Hayleigh. Not because of what she did, but because of who she is. That’s my daughter, and no matter how much I disagree with her or Jennifer’s actions, I carried them both of them inside me and my love for both of them is unconditional. I’ve supported and comforted Jennifer to the best of my ability, and I will be here to do so until the day I die, but that goes for Hayleigh, as well.
What would you do in this mother’s position?
