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Wife Is Furious After Husband Says He Only Wants To Adopt One Of Her Two Children, But The Internet Supports Him.

While most people have similar basic requirements (food, housing, clothes, safety, and stability), their emotional needs(love, respect, support) may vary. The same is true for children. Some people want a tighter contact with their parents, while others prefer more distance. Getting to know someone who already has kids may be both gratifying and hard. Read the story to know what happened in this blended family and do you think the father’s reasoning is right.?

Source: Reddit

My (41m) wife (39f) and I have been married for 2 years but together for 5 total. She has two kids from a previous marriage, ‘James’ (15m) and ‘Becky’ (8f). I met them both after about 6 months of being with my wife and we all moved in together after a year.

Of her own accord a few weeks ago, Becky asked me to adopt her (their biological dad is absent and neither of them have seen him in years) which I thought was incredibly sweet and I was very moved. I’ve cared for her since she was very small and she thinks of me like her dad so I of course said yes and was willing to start looking into the process legally. My wife was delighted too as apparently Becky had asked her about this first and she knew I’d say yes.

Separately, my wife then said to me that if I adopted Becky I also needed to adopt James out of fairness. However I am absolutely not going to do that. If Becky thinks of me as her dad then James absolutely does not. He’s never liked me and has no interest in bonding with me. He won’t come on one-on-one days out with me and never really has, will barely speak to me, doesn’t want me to come to his school sports, doesn’t want me to know about his life or his friends or his hobbies etc. The few times I’ve managed to convince him to come somewhere with me out of necessity, he seemed like the unhappiest kid ever and so I’ve stopped forcing it now.

So you can see why I really don’t think this kid would want me to adopt him. I’m not his dad, I’m not sure he even really thinks of me as a stepdad but as his mother’s husband. But when I explained this to my wife, I’m the a&^%ole ‘treating the kids differently’, ‘he’s just a child, you need to be the bigger person’. “You’ll be excluding him from the family if you don’t, how could you be so cruel and heartless” “You’re not the man I thought you were” etc.

I know he’s just a kid, and we haven’t asked him if he wants me to adopt him yet so maybe this is a moot point anyway, but I don’t even want to offer because I just feel so uncomfortable. Maybe I am a bad person, I mean I love him on a familial level because he’s my stepson but I don’t feel connected with him. My wife has now said if I don’t adopt James I can’t adopt Becky (because apparently I can’t be trusted to treat them fairly) and I can’t say that to her because it would break her little heart. Am I A Jerk?

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