Pregnancy is never simple, and there are several ways to make it more hard, so you can imagine how tough surrogacy may be for all parties involved. A pregnant woman described her experiences with her sister-in-law’s surrogate, revealing how she ended up being “the jerk” and lamenting her decision. Read the story and share your thoughts on this.
So, let me start off by saying that I already feel like an a**h**e. throw-away account for that reason.
When I was 19, I was diagnosed with cancer. Right before treatment, I froze some of my eggs on the advice of my oncologist. I eventually needed a full hysterectomy. I got better and returned to normal life and college. That’s where I met my husband. We both knew we wanted children down the road.
Years later, we started exploring both surrogacy and adoption. My sister-in-law Bethany (married to my husband’s brother), learned that we were exploring both options, and had all of the sudden volunteered to carry the baby for us. She has 3 kids of her own and all of her pregnancies were smooth-sailing. She went out of her way to convince my husband and I that she’d be the best choice. My in-laws were thrilled. Eventually it seemed like I couldn’t say no because everyone was so excited. I was taken aback by the generosity.
While Bethany was preparing for the implantation, and she was undergoing injections, which are typically well tolerated but, Bethany was complaining of multiple symptoms & seemed to need a lot of rest. She wanted to persist and the whole family stepped in to help with her own kids, which included driving them to school and taking them in for sleepovers to help her rest. She became pregnant soon after.
Bethany quickly started experiencing nausea and severe morning sickness. Every pregnancy is different but it seemed odd. Again, the whole family rallied behind her and prepared meals for her, took care of my nieces and nephew, paid for a cleaning service, and went above and beyond to dote on her. As soon as the morning sickness had subsided by month 4, she started having severe back pain. Again, a new pregnancy symptom for her.
She started doing things that made me feel uncomfortable. She did a maternity photo shoot & included the rest of our extended family in the pictures. She posted the photos on facebook, as well as multiple updates on her pregnancy. She posted ultrasound pictures online for ‘her little nugget’. She posted a long facebook post on mother’s day detailing her pregnancy and how surrogate moms should be celebrated on mother’s day. Now she is insisting on having a joint baby shower. I explained that as the new mom, I felt that I, for once, should be the center of attention and celebrated as the mom. She already had her baby showers for her own kids. It doesn’t feel like it is acknowledged that it is MY child.
I told my husband and he thinks I am the a**h**e and that she’s done this wonderful thing for us. It feels odd to me now that she has this control over the family and I am worried that she will continue to interject into my family well after the birth. I am already sensitive about not being able to carry my child, and watching her take this over the top has hurt me. Am I the a**hole for feeling hurt and wanting my own baby shower?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: