A lot of us have previously allowed a friend or family to live with us. It’s the least one can do when someone falls on hard times. Moving into someone else’s house generally comes with regulations and obligations. Guests should typically be kind, even going out of their way to be cordial. However, this is not always the case. Read the story and share your views on this.
My friend Emily is staying with my husband and I for a week. She was evicted from her apartment after an incident with her ex boyfriend, and she had just two weeks until her new lease started and nowhere to go, so she’s staying in our apartment.
One of the house rules I gave her was no visitors/partners. Emily is poly, and she has 5 current partners, and when I told her none would be able to visit (as I am an asthmatic and am trying to stay safe) there was a lot of complaining. Twice she compared her experience of me not allowing a visit from her partners to homophobia, which pissed me off because I’m queer and she’s straight, and that’s a hell of a thing to accuse a queer person of. Well ignored her, because I feel like it’s my house, my rules. In two weeks (only 5 days left!) she can resume life as normal.
Next came the “discussions” as to why monogamy is “morally wrong”. These happen almost every night at dinner, when my husband and I have finished a long day of work. We are at our dinner table and have to be lectured by a houseguest as to why monogamous relationships defy nature, how they’re all destined to fail in a pile of cheating and jealousy, and how much more enlightened poly is. I have no problem with poly, but I just see it as a preference, not an inherently better relationship model.
We ignored that behavior as well. She broke us last night however. For some reason I was feeling sweet(probably all the wine I had), and decided to pull out my wedding album (I know, dumb choice to make with Emily there, as I now see in retrospect). I was looking through pictures with her, and I pointed out that the ceremony pic is my favorite because it’s just super cute and she says “yeah it’s cute, but it’s kind of a lie to promise a lifetime to someone. It’s just not realistic.”
Well I blew up. I told her to “keep your polyamory sh*t to yourself or find somewhere else to sleep for free.” I then went to my room, slammed the door, and cried. I haven’t spoken to her since.
My husband is on my side, he’s been sick of the lectures from her, especially considering how often Emily texts us “SOS bad breakup, let’s get drinks”. I just can’t take the condescension and lectures in my own home. Am I crazy? We are doing her a favor by letting her stay with us and she’s even been eating the meals I cook! Am I being a rude and controlling host?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: