We have hundreds of thousands of tales in which one spouse clashed with their partner’s relatives, forcing the second spouse to make a tough decision. Although, most of the time, the argument is simply that members of the older age try to impose their own points of view or affect issues that, really, should not concern them at all. Yes, and they may be rather offensive at times. In this story a wife just gave birth to a child, but the event was quite distressing. Read the whole story to know what happened and how would you handle the situation?
About 3 weeks ago my Wife-33 went into premature labor with our daughter at 31 weeks. It was entirely unexpected and both my wife and our daughter had a horrible time and it became quite dangerous for the both of them. My wife became preeclamptic among other serious complications and for the first week we weren’t even sure if either my wife or our daughter would make it. Luckily they both survived but our daughter is still in the nicu after 3 weeks and probably will be in for another 3, and my wife is still in the hospital as well.
It has been a horrible struggle for my wife. Before this she was a very healthy and active person and even during most of her pregnancy she was able to maintain a somewhat active lifestyle, but because of the trauma her body went through she is basically starting back from square one and hasn’t even been able to hold our daughter yet. My wife has had a lot of struggles so far with her birth trauma and feels so confused and hurt by her experience. She told me that she feels betrayed by her own body and even in some of her weakest moments she even said she regretted getting pregnant entirely because of how much she has suffered and she is so worried she’ll never be the person she was again. She feels horrible for having these feelings but I and multiple mental health professionals have been working to help and support her through this.
We finally have reached a point where we can receive visitor’s. Her family lives close but my family lives 3 states away and have been awaiting the chance to meet the baby and check in on my wife. My parents and grandparents flew down and I warned my family beforehand that my wife and daughter are still at very fragile stages and to be patient. When I brought them in to see my wife my grand mother immediately went and wanted to talk to her about the birth and her experience. My wife told her that it was one of the worst experiences of her life and my grandmother responded by telling her that the “worst is yet to come” and that struggling is what being a mother is about. My wife got very upset over this comment and started screaming at her to f- off and to get the f out. I had never seen my wife like this and I could tell she was feeling extremely stressed and I quickly escorted my family out. I told them it would be best if they left for now and we could talk later as not to cause even more stress on my wife.
My family said they were “appalled” by my wife’s behavior and me for not defending my grandmother, but at the end of the day I feel that it is my responsibility to be my wife’s advocator all of the time but especially now. It has become a bit of a “tension” in my extended side of the family however, but I haven’t told my wife about it because I don’t want to stress her out and I plan to deal with this alone entirely. Should I apologize on my wife’s behalf? If I am the AH I’ll own up to it, but I don’t see my wife as an AH at all
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: