Children are a gift of God and it’s a blessing to nurture and take care of them. However not all parents fulfill this duty. Some birth parents fail to look after their kids. That’s when family members turn into an angel for these kids who are abandoned and take care of the child with love. A similar situation took place in this story below. Read the story and what do you think of this situation?
My (F29) little sister (F21 we’ll call her Jane) has a 14-month old baby girl (we’ll call her Sara) whom I have had custody of since late June of 2022. Jane was divorcing her husband, jobless, and homeless. I offered to take temporary guardianship of Sara so she would be safe and cared for while Jane got her life together. At first, she turned me down. However, after Sara was dropped off at our moms house in dirty clothes and an old diaper by a stranger, while she was supposed to be under the care of her father, Jane agreed to give her to me and my wife.
Now we made clear that it would be temporary and that Jane would still have full access and could get Sara back whenever she felt ready. However, during the last 6 months, Jane has completely disappeared from Sara’s life. She doesn’t ask about her, she doesn’t make any effort to visit her. She doesn’t ask us to bring her to visit. She has gotten a job and a(n unsafe) place to stay, yet hasn’t offered to take any financial responsibility, not even in the form of buying her gifts. She doesn’t call to talk to her or see her.
I spoke to Jane recently about all this, and her defense is that it’s too emotionally hurtful to see Sara because of how much it hurts and how much she misses her. Her other excuse is that she doesn’t have a car or enough money to buy Uber’s or diapers. I told her how absolutely ridiculous all that is. You don’t need a car or money to call or text. We have always made clear we’d be willing to bring Sara to her, and she spends a wasteful amount of money on food and vapes. Even after speaking to her about the things she should or could be doing, she still has made no changes. Because of this, my wife and I have decided to look into our legal options for adoption. Sara has legally been abandoned, and we only need to keep her a little longer before the courts would allow termination of Jane and her husband’s rights (husband is even more MIA than Jane is). Jane is livid about this and is threatening all kinds of things (but has done nothing).
Important information; after I offered originally and before we actually got physical custody of Sara, my wife and I attempted IVF and failed. We hadn’t told anyone about this, even family. However, I told Jane about this on day one just so that there would be full honesty and so that none of this would seem sneaky if it were to come out later. Jane is bringing this up in a very hurtful way during all this saying that I am trying to steal her baby since we can’t have one of our own (we have one adopted son already). This is very far from the truth, we are genuinely worried about the safety and well being of Sara if she were to go back to Jane, and the fact that Jane has essentially ghosted her baby, we feel we have every right to pursue permanent guardianship and adoption. So, Am I A Jerk?
How would you react after hearing such accusations?
Edit 1; as several people have asked, why don’t I take in my sister too?
I don’t have space or money for an adult. Sara has a bed in our room, and we spend about $700 a month on her. There is no way we could cover an adult, too.
And even if we could, she is not someone I would live with. She is a very unclean person (doesn’t shower or wash her clothes) and hangs out with junkies and other questionable people. She lost her last living situation because her roommate was arrested for possession of meth in the home. My wife and I have a 7 year old son, and now Sara, to protect.
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: