A good marriage requires both support and respect. A connection may bloom and develop into a lovely relationship as long as two individuals find balance and care after one other. However, if there is no respect, much alone regard for a much-needed sense of independence, things may soon spiral out of control. In this story a pregnant woman’s desire to find a job was dismissed by her husband. Read the whole story and what do you think she should do?
My husband’s father passed away recently. He grew up on a large farm in Kansas and he and his mother inherited the farm. My husband, John (24m) and I (21f) met while he was living in New Orleans, attending Tulane on athletic scholarship and I was working as a waitress. We fell in love and he proposed quickly. We married a few months ago and I am currently 3 months pregnant. We’ve been living in NOLA but since his father’s passing, his mother needs help with the farm and he suggested we move there and it will be better for the child to be raised on the farm anyway. I didn’t really want to do that but I agreed as I knew how much it meant to him.
When we got there, I was surprised how big and isolated the farm was. My husband and I share one car and his mother has another. I asked to take the car the other day to go to town to look for jobs but he sat me down and told me it wouldn’t be very practical for me to have a job atm because we only have 2 cars for 3 people and they can’t spare one for me to take for 8 hours a day and they can’t drive me to and from work when there’s so much to be done on the farm.
I wasn’t very happy about that but it made sense. So I looked for some jobs online and when we were eating dinner, I started the subject again, saying that I think I will look for some work from home but I will need a stable internet connection and asked if there’s any way we can change providers (as it’s a bit slow). He told me all work from home jobs are a scam and he doesn’t want me falling into a trap and that he needs the laptop available at all times to communicate with his customers. I was devastated but didn’t want to argue and I understand that his work is currently supporting us all (including his mother).
We had a small family gathering and his sister and SIL asked me why I didn’t want to be SAHM. I explained everything to them. And they told me I should think of my family first, that all kids in this family are raised by SAHM and I should just go with it and everyone will be happier. I said that I would get bored and I need a job to help support us but they kept telling me that I should listen to my husband.
When everyone left, John came to our bedroom and we had our first, massive argument. He told me I embarrassed him in front of his family. He told me he can’t believe how heartless I am being and that I clearly don’t care enough for our baby to stay home and raise him. He called me an a**h**e and told me it’s best if I slept in the guest room for a few nights.
He hasn’t spoken to me since and his mother told me I hurt him and all of them by refusing to carry on the family tradition of being a SAHM and that I am bringing shame to him, showing that he can’t support his family.
And I am torn, I thought I knew what I wanted but everyone is telling me otherwise and my head is a mess. Am I really the a**h**e for wanting to find a job? Is it really that wrong of me? I thought I was right but now, I am doubting myself.
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